For Whom The Bell Tolls

It's raining hard. I'm standing in a lone corner of the garden, staring at her for a long time. Will I go and propose to her? Will she accept it after so many years? Her husband and kids are there with her. Her family friends are also present. I cannot ruin her life like this! I definitely can't!

Damn! Why did I waste all these years and what am I doing here now? She could have been mine 8 years back on that rainy day in college. But, I was too busy with my career...

No! I cannot wait any longer. I don't care about social barriers. I need to confess my love to her. I need to let her know I'm still there for her...

I make up my mind and slowly walk towards her.

But it was too late. By then, the old priest had already covered her coffin!

Don't Logout, You Might Die!

One of those sleepless nights, when you cannot sleep and drag your bleary-eyed self over to the computer desk, and turn it on to find out which of your friends are online on Facebook. Somebody has poked you for no good reason, somebody has shared a bad joke on your wall, and somebody else is grumbling over a relationship that did not work. So, within seconds you forget that it's the middle of the night and start typing responses. You could not sleep, your eyes are tired. But, still your fingers can't stop moving over the keyboard. After going through a few more updates, you finally dragged the mouse pointer to the start menu and clicked on the shut down button...

Not until you return to your bed after a few more minutes, you realize you are addicted! You can't resist yourself checking out the notifications on Facebook from your mobile phone. In a contradictory state of mind, you picked up the mobile phone and logged in to Facebook again. Whoa! 4 new notifications already! One of your friends has mentioned you in a comment, one of them has directly posted on your timeline. A whole lot of excitements! Soon, you forget that you were trying to sleep and need to wake up early in the next morning. You forget the wise words your doctor told you about your late night socializing. You forget your real life existence. You forget you are a human being! And, your whole existence was personified as a two inch photo with a banner and a timeline.

About me: Look at me, I'm nude. No privacy!

Employers: Who cares when I can earn enough playing Farmville?

Favorite quote: “You're asking me to believe that the CFO of Facebook doesn't know how to change his relationship status on Facebook?”

Activities: Liking, disliking, poking, and sending random game requests.

Favorite movies: The Social Network

Lives in: Online

Is in a relationship with...

… Wait! If this is what your life is all about, don't logout. You might die tonight. You don't exist in the real world. At least you don't want to. Your world is limited to a social media website with billions of other tiny thumbnail photos and timelines. You cry, smile, hangout, chat, love, stalk, abuse, curse, and have fun on Facebook. You don't exist outside the web. Billions have already started living, and you are a part of the whole family. Don't logout, you might die!

NO-cturnal

No – Ma'am, it's a boy!

No – You can't play now, finish your homework.

No – I don't want to see you with those friends again.

No – You are a nice guy, but I have someone else in my life...

No – Sir, I afraid you are not selected.

No – When I was in your age, I married your mom.

No – Dear! It's a boy... you have become a father!

No – Dad, I want to play!

No – I love this girl and I'm going to marry her Dad!

No – Sir, no letter from your son yet.

No – More red meat my friend. Start exercising. It's good for your heart.

No – Ma'am, his condition is not good, don't talk to him.

No – Ma'am, I'm afraid he is not responding...

But, She Didn't Realize!

Death! That’s what you can think about. You dumbass! You suicidal freak!

Listen…

She didn't let me finish yet again.

“What? Your life is full of pain? You had enough and don’t want to live any longer? You want to die because you did not get the things you have always expected? You are not a painter, you are a sadist!

I had to interfere this time. She was going too far.

“Listen Sam, it’s my life.”

Yes! It’s your life. That’s why you have the right to erase yourself without even thinking about the people who care for you, right? Fuck! You and your complications.

I knew this conversation was not going anywhere. It was high time to draw an end to this. It’s time to reveal my feelings otherwise it might be too late.

“Ok Sam, I’m not going to die will you please stop cursing me?” I sat beside her. I could smell her perfume now. It was slowly going through my veins making me dizzy and addicted. But, this was not a time for romance. I need her. Not as a friend anymore. Damn! People who propose to others should get bravery awards.

She didn’t even notice how close I was. Probably because she was completely pissed off with me or perhaps with my suicidal thoughts! She is the only one who has always stopped me from taking the wrong road. I was merely a child when I lost my parents; she is the one who was with me all these years. She is much more than a good friend. And today I need to tell her! I wonder how she is going to react. Oh God!

Suddenly she snapped back to the reality and turned to me. Her eyes were filled with tears. Damn! The last thing I wanted to see is her tears.

She looked directly at my eyes. “What do you want? I cannot bear this fear of losing you. Trust me I cannot!”

I knew this was the time. Nothing could have been better than this!

“Sam…” I took her hands in mine. “You don’t want to lose me ever, no? Trust me even I want the same.” Her eyes looked baffled, completely unaware of what I’m going to say.

“You have always been there for me, I don’t have anyone else in my life, no one understands me, no one loves my paintings like you do. I want you to be with me (paused for a few seconds) I want you to be with me but not as a friend, as my love!”

She was shocked… but I could read her eyes… like I always do… they were filled with happiness! Her tears were no longer carrying her sadness. As if she wanted to listen to this for a long time. Oh how stupid I was…

“CUT!! Lights..."

And within few seconds the place, which seemed so deserted was filled with co-actors, light men, camera men, and other crew members…

I looked at Rupsha, she was busy wiping off the glycerin from her eyes.

- “Excellent!”

I felt a pat on my back. I turned; it was my director, complimenting me for emoting my pains so expressively. I turned to Rupsha again! She was busy talking to her makeup man. Suddenly everything went blank. I could no longer hear the humming noise of the busy studio. It was me and Rupsha once again. I murmured “What’s your answer Sam? You didn’t reply…”

Hate Me Please!

Oh that's a sin...

Now, that's how i win!


I beat you hollow,

But, feeling hollow within...

Love Was Made For You and Me

It was just like any other day. There was nothing remarkable going outside, the scorching heat of the midnoon sun was setting aflame an unbearable and arduous tone that was annoying me incessantly for the last two hours. I was trying hard to concentrate on the books, exam was just a month away and I’m nowhere near the syllabus! An agitated mind was struggling to focus from the last two hours but every time he closer to the goal, there was a distraction. The same old distraction that has become the biggest hindrance of my life… it was a fair face with two inordinately beautiful eyes that convey all the secrets of a mysterious mind… I knew it was not the right time… but I was helpless, I was falling in her love at one of the most crucial time of my life without even considering the consequences that can wipe out my dreams one by one.

It all started in a cyber café near my residence. Just like many other boys of my age, I was desperately looking for a girl in my life. To me, chat portals were the only way to reach a large number of girls all over the world with no trouble. But, I couldn’t realize that an ordinary chat portal can become so influential to modify my life so hastily. I have heard of people meeting on social networking sites, falling in love and tying the knots at the end. How ridiculous! I used to think… a relationship is not that easy, people who fall in love on internet are either depressed or idiots. But, I couldn’t grasp that I was predestined to be one of the fools…

By now going to cyber café was an obsession for me. Every single day 2-3 hours of chatting was detrimental enough to reduce my life to rubble, but as I said… it was already an addiction and there are hardly any people who can willingly get rid of it. At least I didn’t have the ability.

It was 11:15am, I was about to sign in to a new chat room, all of a sudden…

-“Hi” it took me few seconds to land on the reality to apprehend that somebody was patting on my back softly. It was a girl… I couldn’t even say Hi to her; deep within my heart I already knew something was wrong. Assuming my baffled condition, she smiled beautifully and told – “I’m Sam… Sampurna, I think we were chatting with each other for the last 3 hours right?”

She was sitting beside me?? WTF! For the last 3 hours I was chatting with a girl without restraint only because I knew she was miles away… her virtual presence was enough relief for an idiotic introvert like me!

- “I need to leave now, are you coming out? We can talk outside”

By that time I have already managed to hide my bewildered, dim-witted reactions. She was as fair as snow, with full lips, a cute chin, and with a slight brownish touch on her hair, she was a real diva! A girl like her… I thought… won’t even think about me again if I am not going to appear as a well-groomed hunk! I paid the bill and came out of the café…

“We can meet again, isn’t it?” I was delirious to hear this from her mouth but disclosing my dim-witted reactions was not a good idea… I smiled and nodded gently, I wanted to know where… how, and when… for the first time in my life I was falling in love, slowly… but steadily.

We were crossing the road… suddenly there was a large howl, by the time I saw a bus overtaking a taxi just next to her… it was too late! Within a fraction of a second a dreadful noise of collision and an ear deafening brake paralyzed my entire body… at the last moment she held my hand and cried out in sheer panic… I couldn’t bear in mind the rest!

The last time I was jerked back to the world of consciousness… I felt I was in a moving vehicle… some faces were looking at me anxiously. Someone asked the driver to drive the car faster… there was mom and dad among those faces… mom was crying… and then it was a hot flash of red all over my brain…

The Last Page of Her Diary

Does everyone become conscious a day how dim-witted they are? Can’t tell about others but I was as stupid as a box of rocks.

Diary, you’re the only one who has read all the chapters of my existence. Today, before I turn off the light, and embrace the creepy hours of darkness unconsciously… I want to open my clothes one by one and bare my heart to you.

I knew I have a bloodcurdling sixth sense that often becomes an annoyance for me. But, I couldn’t realize it will cost me the most valuable possession of my life a day.

Have you ever noticed the conclusion of an oil lamp? The more the oil reduce, darkness crawls forward… slowly… but gradually! There was a time when I couldn’t visualize such a dismal end of my life. But today, standing on this juncture, the eagerness of a dying lamp has gone astray! It is not a bitter end; I’m just going to start a new life without Rahul!

After all, a bitch has all the rights to begin a new-fangled life… and this time without repeating the misapprehensions! I was wrong about him, there was no love for me… he was only drooling for my bare body! I never realized my life was destined to be a sex toy! Wish I could go to downstairs, take out the petrol from Sam’s car, pour it on my body and blaze the dimmed flame of the dying lamp…one last time! But, like many other lamps in this world of creeping darkness… I’m frail, as weak as the dying flame of a ravished lamp.

I was traumatized to discover that everything he told me was fake… in these 6 years of our relationship he was only fascinated with my body.

It’s already six years and he already knows my body inch by inch, how long will he pretend so hard to show off his loyalty towards me? He was apologetic but I relieved him of such a stress. He jumped off his bed and threw a blanket on that girl to cover his greed and said he will clarify the whole thing… but I didn’t want any explanations!

This is not going to be another of those nagging breakups where the girl ends up blaming the guy and lives as a symbol of virtue for the rest of her life. It’s almost 11:10pm at night… in an hour or two everything will be hunkered down for the long bleak darkness. The end of an oil lamp always becomes red… look it’s red all around me body… my ravished body… floating on my tainted blood! Waiting for the fondle touch of growing shadows…

[Image Resource]

She Was Hugged in the Middle of A Road...

“Sam, I’m not in a mood to talk about all these crap! I want to live my life to the fullest and anyone who tries to suffocate me for the sake of past becomes a hindrance in my eyes.”

She was no longer looking at his eyes, but she knew they were filled with rage and hatred for her! She knew this was the end of their relationship and nothing can change his mind. She doesn’t even want to give it a try…

“And one more thing Sam, we can still stay in touch as good friends, but if you try to blackmail me and ruin my career… I will screw your life!”

She could have said that it was she who sacrificed her career blindly in his love. It was she who wanted to forget that hatred of his eyes as soon as possible. But she didn’t want to answer because she will never be able to heal those wounds anymore… the more you think about it the more you cry!

She didn’t know where to go… suddenly she lost all the purposes of her life. Standing in the middle of a busy city she suddenly felt alone… and at once she had the tremendous urge to run back to him because his love was the only thing that kept her going while everything else was going horribly wrong.

Memories are always treacherous! They always remind the good days when we cry and take us back to those painful days whenever you are contented with your life. The hatred of his eyes prevented her from doing yet another mistake…

After all it was her slipup to trust someone so blindly… she wiped her tears and thought! She looked at the bustling city crowds, bright advertisements, and lively malls… she could no longer feel close to her own city. The only way out was to commit suicide and get rid of the painful present but she didn’t have the courage to die. Buying a 4 rupee ticket, get inside a metro station and jump whenever the train comes to the platform… as simple as that. She could easily take an overdose of sleeping pills and rest in peace for the rest of his life… she could easily slash her vein and run away from all these stupidities by committing another stupid act…

She suddenly realized there was someone special in her life that she has always neglected! He was her first and probably the last love… he won’t look at her with eyes full of rage and hatred ever…

Standing amidst the lively city she no longer felt alone… left with her own adversities! Instead, she felt how idiotic it was to abandon her first love for a mere illusion… now she was determined to live with him… now she was knew his name… it’s her own LIFE!!