But, She Didn't Realize!

Death! That’s what you can think about. You dumbass! You suicidal freak!

Listen…

She didn't let me finish yet again.

“What? Your life is full of pain? You had enough and don’t want to live any longer? You want to die because you did not get the things you have always expected? You are not a painter, you are a sadist!

I had to interfere this time. She was going too far.

“Listen Sam, it’s my life.”

Yes! It’s your life. That’s why you have the right to erase yourself without even thinking about the people who care for you, right? Fuck! You and your complications.

I knew this conversation was not going anywhere. It was high time to draw an end to this. It’s time to reveal my feelings otherwise it might be too late.

“Ok Sam, I’m not going to die will you please stop cursing me?” I sat beside her. I could smell her perfume now. It was slowly going through my veins making me dizzy and addicted. But, this was not a time for romance. I need her. Not as a friend anymore. Damn! People who propose to others should get bravery awards.

She didn’t even notice how close I was. Probably because she was completely pissed off with me or perhaps with my suicidal thoughts! She is the only one who has always stopped me from taking the wrong road. I was merely a child when I lost my parents; she is the one who was with me all these years. She is much more than a good friend. And today I need to tell her! I wonder how she is going to react. Oh God!

Suddenly she snapped back to the reality and turned to me. Her eyes were filled with tears. Damn! The last thing I wanted to see is her tears.

She looked directly at my eyes. “What do you want? I cannot bear this fear of losing you. Trust me I cannot!”

I knew this was the time. Nothing could have been better than this!

“Sam…” I took her hands in mine. “You don’t want to lose me ever, no? Trust me even I want the same.” Her eyes looked baffled, completely unaware of what I’m going to say.

“You have always been there for me, I don’t have anyone else in my life, no one understands me, no one loves my paintings like you do. I want you to be with me (paused for a few seconds) I want you to be with me but not as a friend, as my love!”

She was shocked… but I could read her eyes… like I always do… they were filled with happiness! Her tears were no longer carrying her sadness. As if she wanted to listen to this for a long time. Oh how stupid I was…

“CUT!! Lights..."

And within few seconds the place, which seemed so deserted was filled with co-actors, light men, camera men, and other crew members…

I looked at Rupsha, she was busy wiping off the glycerin from her eyes.

- “Excellent!”

I felt a pat on my back. I turned; it was my director, complimenting me for emoting my pains so expressively. I turned to Rupsha again! She was busy talking to her makeup man. Suddenly everything went blank. I could no longer hear the humming noise of the busy studio. It was me and Rupsha once again. I murmured “What’s your answer Sam? You didn’t reply…”

Moved by Fancies Curled Around These Images

Tears are suddenly dripping down, falling off my eyes like dead stars.

Those precious memories have fallen off my mobile phone calendar, leaving behind blank white squares of death! And, I struggle every night to fill up those flaking, gaping emptiness.

Phone number has been deleted... and I desperately try to recall the lost numbers. But I fail... hell... miserably!

She Was Hugged in the Middle of A Road...

“Sam, I’m not in a mood to talk about all these crap! I want to live my life to the fullest and anyone who tries to suffocate me for the sake of past becomes a hindrance in my eyes.”

She was no longer looking at his eyes, but she knew they were filled with rage and hatred for her! She knew this was the end of their relationship and nothing can change his mind. She doesn’t even want to give it a try…

“And one more thing Sam, we can still stay in touch as good friends, but if you try to blackmail me and ruin my career… I will screw your life!”

She could have said that it was she who sacrificed her career blindly in his love. It was she who wanted to forget that hatred of his eyes as soon as possible. But she didn’t want to answer because she will never be able to heal those wounds anymore… the more you think about it the more you cry!

She didn’t know where to go… suddenly she lost all the purposes of her life. Standing in the middle of a busy city she suddenly felt alone… and at once she had the tremendous urge to run back to him because his love was the only thing that kept her going while everything else was going horribly wrong.

Memories are always treacherous! They always remind the good days when we cry and take us back to those painful days whenever you are contented with your life. The hatred of his eyes prevented her from doing yet another mistake…

After all it was her slipup to trust someone so blindly… she wiped her tears and thought! She looked at the bustling city crowds, bright advertisements, and lively malls… she could no longer feel close to her own city. The only way out was to commit suicide and get rid of the painful present but she didn’t have the courage to die. Buying a 4 rupee ticket, get inside a metro station and jump whenever the train comes to the platform… as simple as that. She could easily take an overdose of sleeping pills and rest in peace for the rest of his life… she could easily slash her vein and run away from all these stupidities by committing another stupid act…

She suddenly realized there was someone special in her life that she has always neglected! He was her first and probably the last love… he won’t look at her with eyes full of rage and hatred ever…

Standing amidst the lively city she no longer felt alone… left with her own adversities! Instead, she felt how idiotic it was to abandon her first love for a mere illusion… now she was determined to live with him… now she was knew his name… it’s her own LIFE!!