Now I know…

It was a lonely afternoon, I was as usual a prisoner in my room busy with a blank canvas. There was a crow sitting outside my window trying to exchange a few words with me for quite a long time. Crows of North Kolkata are very much demanding these days. They are not happy with stealing fish from kitchen, my charcoal pencils, and even a watercolor tube from my study. Rebellions, you know. They are everywhere. They always want something extra.

I could hear the ‘trin-trin’ sound of trams rushing through the deserted roads madly under the scorching sun. There was stillness in the air. Everything seemed so dull and lifeless. It was as if the sun absorbed all the colors of life and put them on my palette. My restlessness slowly evolved as an agitation. I wanted to talk to someone. What will I draw? I’m alone. There’s no one to guide me. If now I stumble and fall down, no one is going to hold my hand…

I turned to the crow. It was patiently waiting for more than half n hour. I know what you were trying to say… I know what this is called… I know I can’t expect anyone to guide me anymore… I know I have grown up! I know I have some responsibilities. I may be 23, but I know I’m 45 inside my heart.

- “kkaw kkaw!” the crow nodded with approval and fled away. I told you, rebellions are here to change our world!

She Was Hugged in the Middle of A Road...

“Sam, I’m not in a mood to talk about all these crap! I want to live my life to the fullest and anyone who tries to suffocate me for the sake of past becomes a hindrance in my eyes.”

She was no longer looking at his eyes, but she knew they were filled with rage and hatred for her! She knew this was the end of their relationship and nothing can change his mind. She doesn’t even want to give it a try…

“And one more thing Sam, we can still stay in touch as good friends, but if you try to blackmail me and ruin my career… I will screw your life!”

She could have said that it was she who sacrificed her career blindly in his love. It was she who wanted to forget that hatred of his eyes as soon as possible. But she didn’t want to answer because she will never be able to heal those wounds anymore… the more you think about it the more you cry!

She didn’t know where to go… suddenly she lost all the purposes of her life. Standing in the middle of a busy city she suddenly felt alone… and at once she had the tremendous urge to run back to him because his love was the only thing that kept her going while everything else was going horribly wrong.

Memories are always treacherous! They always remind the good days when we cry and take us back to those painful days whenever you are contented with your life. The hatred of his eyes prevented her from doing yet another mistake…

After all it was her slipup to trust someone so blindly… she wiped her tears and thought! She looked at the bustling city crowds, bright advertisements, and lively malls… she could no longer feel close to her own city. The only way out was to commit suicide and get rid of the painful present but she didn’t have the courage to die. Buying a 4 rupee ticket, get inside a metro station and jump whenever the train comes to the platform… as simple as that. She could easily take an overdose of sleeping pills and rest in peace for the rest of his life… she could easily slash her vein and run away from all these stupidities by committing another stupid act…

She suddenly realized there was someone special in her life that she has always neglected! He was her first and probably the last love… he won’t look at her with eyes full of rage and hatred ever…

Standing amidst the lively city she no longer felt alone… left with her own adversities! Instead, she felt how idiotic it was to abandon her first love for a mere illusion… now she was determined to live with him… now she was knew his name… it’s her own LIFE!!