Now I know…

It was a lonely afternoon, I was as usual a prisoner in my room busy with a blank canvas. There was a crow sitting outside my window trying to exchange a few words with me for quite a long time. Crows of North Kolkata are very much demanding these days. They are not happy with stealing fish from kitchen, my charcoal pencils, and even a watercolor tube from my study. Rebellions, you know. They are everywhere. They always want something extra.

I could hear the ‘trin-trin’ sound of trams rushing through the deserted roads madly under the scorching sun. There was stillness in the air. Everything seemed so dull and lifeless. It was as if the sun absorbed all the colors of life and put them on my palette. My restlessness slowly evolved as an agitation. I wanted to talk to someone. What will I draw? I’m alone. There’s no one to guide me. If now I stumble and fall down, no one is going to hold my hand…

I turned to the crow. It was patiently waiting for more than half n hour. I know what you were trying to say… I know what this is called… I know I can’t expect anyone to guide me anymore… I know I have grown up! I know I have some responsibilities. I may be 23, but I know I’m 45 inside my heart.

- “kkaw kkaw!” the crow nodded with approval and fled away. I told you, rebellions are here to change our world!

The Last Page of Her Diary

Does everyone become conscious a day how dim-witted they are? Can’t tell about others but I was as stupid as a box of rocks.

Diary, you’re the only one who has read all the chapters of my existence. Today, before I turn off the light, and embrace the creepy hours of darkness unconsciously… I want to open my clothes one by one and bare my heart to you.

I knew I have a bloodcurdling sixth sense that often becomes an annoyance for me. But, I couldn’t realize it will cost me the most valuable possession of my life a day.

Have you ever noticed the conclusion of an oil lamp? The more the oil reduce, darkness crawls forward… slowly… but gradually! There was a time when I couldn’t visualize such a dismal end of my life. But today, standing on this juncture, the eagerness of a dying lamp has gone astray! It is not a bitter end; I’m just going to start a new life without Rahul!

After all, a bitch has all the rights to begin a new-fangled life… and this time without repeating the misapprehensions! I was wrong about him, there was no love for me… he was only drooling for my bare body! I never realized my life was destined to be a sex toy! Wish I could go to downstairs, take out the petrol from Sam’s car, pour it on my body and blaze the dimmed flame of the dying lamp…one last time! But, like many other lamps in this world of creeping darkness… I’m frail, as weak as the dying flame of a ravished lamp.

I was traumatized to discover that everything he told me was fake… in these 6 years of our relationship he was only fascinated with my body.

It’s already six years and he already knows my body inch by inch, how long will he pretend so hard to show off his loyalty towards me? He was apologetic but I relieved him of such a stress. He jumped off his bed and threw a blanket on that girl to cover his greed and said he will clarify the whole thing… but I didn’t want any explanations!

This is not going to be another of those nagging breakups where the girl ends up blaming the guy and lives as a symbol of virtue for the rest of her life. It’s almost 11:10pm at night… in an hour or two everything will be hunkered down for the long bleak darkness. The end of an oil lamp always becomes red… look it’s red all around me body… my ravished body… floating on my tainted blood! Waiting for the fondle touch of growing shadows…

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