Yes Facebook, I've Dumped You!

Yes Facebook. It's over. I've dumped you. No, no please, don't. Just don't try to explain anything. I don't want to see your trembling lips and all those mails saying how much you're going to miss me, and my friends will miss me, and how even God will get angry of me for dumping you.

Don't try to convince me that I will miss you. Yes, that worked last time, but after 3 months, I'm sure I took the right decision and I mean it this time. We're over. And let me tell you something, it's you who made it bitter.

When I first saw you in 2010, you were cool. I liked the way everything happened between us. To put it correctly, you looked good when you were just starting out on campus. God, I can't believe I used to spend so much time with you. You were attractive and spending time with you was fun. But what happened to the Fun?

I don't exactly remember when was the first time I had this doubt about you. This nagging doubt that things were not working well between us. That I'm wasting my time with you. Everyone was talking about you, everyone wanted to be with you. And a campus kid became popular. Let me put it straight, Facebook. I liked your simplicity and I had complete faith in you. I believed that you will respect my privacy.

No! Just shut up and stop this begging and pleading.

And stop mailing me.

You enjoyed being loved by others, you loved being popular. But with every passing second you were slowly becoming boring and nagging. I hate being controlled. I hate and then ignore people who try to control my life. You were changing the whole set-up of my life. I wanted my own time but whenever I was with friends, you would appear. Whenever I was alone, you would come. Whenever I was enjoying my favorite dishes, you asked me to share images with you. I was sick and tired of sharing my life with a retard who has no respect for my privacy.

Was it really important for you to follow me everywhere I go? And then telling my friends what I was doing? You know there's a definition for that in dictionaries? Stalking!

I hated when you went on forcing me to be friends with Nagrajan Muthuswami. We didn't know each other, we shared no hobbies, but Facebook you forced me for days to be friends with that unknown guy. And you continued this thing for years. I didn't know any of these people, they were not my friends, they are yours.

For God's sake, stop sending me those mails!

I don't care how much Sreeparna will miss me. What I really care is Facebook, that you are everywhere. No matter what I buy, where I eat, what I wear, there you are standing right there to attract my attention. Like a stalker.

I don't want to see my friend's cat. I don't want to share my food pictures. Inviting friends for a real-life treat is a much more interesting thing to me. So what if one of my friends is going to watch a new movie? Why do you keep telling me that? I really don't want you to keep reminding me my friends' birthdays. I remember the special ones. And those I don't, I don't because I don't want to wish them. You can keep all my friends, all 167 of them.

But one thing is for sure, we are never, ever, ever, ever getting back together.

Don't Logout, You Might Die!

One of those sleepless nights, when you cannot sleep and drag your bleary-eyed self over to the computer desk, and turn it on to find out which of your friends are online on Facebook. Somebody has poked you for no good reason, somebody has shared a bad joke on your wall, and somebody else is grumbling over a relationship that did not work. So, within seconds you forget that it's the middle of the night and start typing responses. You could not sleep, your eyes are tired. But, still your fingers can't stop moving over the keyboard. After going through a few more updates, you finally dragged the mouse pointer to the start menu and clicked on the shut down button...

Not until you return to your bed after a few more minutes, you realize you are addicted! You can't resist yourself checking out the notifications on Facebook from your mobile phone. In a contradictory state of mind, you picked up the mobile phone and logged in to Facebook again. Whoa! 4 new notifications already! One of your friends has mentioned you in a comment, one of them has directly posted on your timeline. A whole lot of excitements! Soon, you forget that you were trying to sleep and need to wake up early in the next morning. You forget the wise words your doctor told you about your late night socializing. You forget your real life existence. You forget you are a human being! And, your whole existence was personified as a two inch photo with a banner and a timeline.

About me: Look at me, I'm nude. No privacy!

Employers: Who cares when I can earn enough playing Farmville?

Favorite quote: “You're asking me to believe that the CFO of Facebook doesn't know how to change his relationship status on Facebook?”

Activities: Liking, disliking, poking, and sending random game requests.

Favorite movies: The Social Network

Lives in: Online

Is in a relationship with...

… Wait! If this is what your life is all about, don't logout. You might die tonight. You don't exist in the real world. At least you don't want to. Your world is limited to a social media website with billions of other tiny thumbnail photos and timelines. You cry, smile, hangout, chat, love, stalk, abuse, curse, and have fun on Facebook. You don't exist outside the web. Billions have already started living, and you are a part of the whole family. Don't logout, you might die!