Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Now that's a title!

I thought about this title last weekend when I was drunk.

And I kissed a girl.

Well I thought it was a girl until the next morning one of my friends told me that it was strange of me to kiss him last night.

I told you I was drunk and the music was quite loud.

In the morning I realized it was no music but the ringtone of my mobile.

Every time my girlfriend called me, I danced with the beats!

My mobile showed 17 missed calls in total.

But I was right about the lizard on the ceiling. It looked like a dragon but was actually a firefly.

I was really drunk and missed my girlfriend. So I sent her a text:

“I'm drunk! Come here baby... miss you.”

I had a reply from her, she was really pissed off.

The next morning I checked my inbox and saw a text from my boss.

“Retard! Double-check before sending me these creepy texts.”

And I thought it was my girlfriend!

Then one of my friends wanted to go home. I wanted to drop him.

From the 6th floor... but I don't remember anything like that.

The next day, they told me I wanted to drop him just because he wanted to pee.

I was so drunk last weekend!

Then I had 8 more pegs of whiskey and suddenly remembered that I had to call my mother.

She acted strangely on the phone. She went on telling me I was not her son!

I was so shocked and sad. Someone took the mobile from my hand and replied her something which I don't remember at all.

The next day they told me it was not my mobile at all. And that was not my mother either. She was a girlfriend of one of my friends.

Then there was this strong blow on my head. Everything became dark. How could my friends hit me just because I was drunk?!! I don't remember anything else!

Later, the next morning they told me we were having a bullfight last night. I was the bull.

And I ran towards a poster of John Lennon on the wall screaming “this is Spartaaaaa!”

I really don't remember anything.

Yes Facebook, I've Dumped You!

Yes Facebook. It's over. I've dumped you. No, no please, don't. Just don't try to explain anything. I don't want to see your trembling lips and all those mails saying how much you're going to miss me, and my friends will miss me, and how even God will get angry of me for dumping you.

Don't try to convince me that I will miss you. Yes, that worked last time, but after 3 months, I'm sure I took the right decision and I mean it this time. We're over. And let me tell you something, it's you who made it bitter.

When I first saw you in 2010, you were cool. I liked the way everything happened between us. To put it correctly, you looked good when you were just starting out on campus. God, I can't believe I used to spend so much time with you. You were attractive and spending time with you was fun. But what happened to the Fun?

I don't exactly remember when was the first time I had this doubt about you. This nagging doubt that things were not working well between us. That I'm wasting my time with you. Everyone was talking about you, everyone wanted to be with you. And a campus kid became popular. Let me put it straight, Facebook. I liked your simplicity and I had complete faith in you. I believed that you will respect my privacy.

No! Just shut up and stop this begging and pleading.

And stop mailing me.

You enjoyed being loved by others, you loved being popular. But with every passing second you were slowly becoming boring and nagging. I hate being controlled. I hate and then ignore people who try to control my life. You were changing the whole set-up of my life. I wanted my own time but whenever I was with friends, you would appear. Whenever I was alone, you would come. Whenever I was enjoying my favorite dishes, you asked me to share images with you. I was sick and tired of sharing my life with a retard who has no respect for my privacy.

Was it really important for you to follow me everywhere I go? And then telling my friends what I was doing? You know there's a definition for that in dictionaries? Stalking!

I hated when you went on forcing me to be friends with Nagrajan Muthuswami. We didn't know each other, we shared no hobbies, but Facebook you forced me for days to be friends with that unknown guy. And you continued this thing for years. I didn't know any of these people, they were not my friends, they are yours.

For God's sake, stop sending me those mails!

I don't care how much Sreeparna will miss me. What I really care is Facebook, that you are everywhere. No matter what I buy, where I eat, what I wear, there you are standing right there to attract my attention. Like a stalker.

I don't want to see my friend's cat. I don't want to share my food pictures. Inviting friends for a real-life treat is a much more interesting thing to me. So what if one of my friends is going to watch a new movie? Why do you keep telling me that? I really don't want you to keep reminding me my friends' birthdays. I remember the special ones. And those I don't, I don't because I don't want to wish them. You can keep all my friends, all 167 of them.

But one thing is for sure, we are never, ever, ever, ever getting back together.