Yes Facebook, I've Dumped You! - 2

It has been almost 9 months since I left Facebook. The initial craziness of those first few months is over and my friends (mostly Facebook friends) have almost forgotten my existence on Facebook. Thanks to my lucky stars, they did.

People who invariably predicted that I'm quitting Facebook to seek attention and I'll be back in no time, have finally filled their timelines with what they are eating and how they are spending their weekends. People who spent tireless evenings trying to convince me why I should be on Facebook, have finally understand that it's much like a death of a loved one. First, you can't believe that he's not there any more, then you miss him, then time, the great healer, comes and slaps you hard so that you can focus on other important things in your life. However, some spiritual creatures who believe death is not the end, still asks – how's life without Facebook? And always my best answer is – You've no idea!

Don't you miss your Facebook friends? Someone asked me desperately, trying to prove the point what a cruel person I am. I couldn't help but laugh. “Facebook friends” – now that's a term! I'm glad to be a 90's kid (no, none of my parent's name is not 90, in case you wonder) where I grew up playing on green fields with mud under our feet, band-aids on our knees, and with actual friends. Yes I could hug, punch, scratch, and even poke them... without the help of any blue colored, virtual, thumb-like button. I've fallen in love without worrying about my relationship status on Facebook. We've spent hours together, without tagging each other on Facebook. We went to great restaurants and enjoyed great foods while our phones were in our bags because none of us felt like showing the menu to our Facebook friends to prove the point what awesome lives we have. Stop being so prehistoric, Ajesh. What's wrong with you?

Maybe it's because I know what it feels to be with real friends. Maybe it's because I've seen how our dear friends change and tries to show off their lifestyles. Maybe it's because I've been an alcoholic and know what addiction is and how tough it is to accept the fact that I'm addicted. Maybe it's because I didn't feel like checking my privacy settings every time I talk to someone. Maybe I didn't feel like stalking other people and ridicule myself. Maybe it's just my problem that I didn't want to upload when I'm farting, sleeping, eating, kissing, smelling a book, watching a movie, taking a long drive, or partying with my friends.

Back to the fun word – Facebook friends! I don't miss them. I don't miss any virtual entity desperately trying to prove his life is cooler than others. I don't give a fuck about people who wish each other without even remembering their birthdays, thanks to Facebook. I have a special list of friends. A very special and precious list it is. And I know that no matter where I am, we will always meet up and have fun. I talk to them face to face while having the best beers in town. They hug me when I'm sad, without Liking my comments and sharing wise quotes. I remember telling this to someone – those who are my friends, will be in touch with me, those who don't care, were never my friends. That's exactly what happened. Now I've a great list of friends, we meet, we text each other, we remember our birthdays, and yes they don't tag me on Facebook.

When I wake up in the morning, I can listen to the birds singing outside my window without having to check my phone to see how many Likes I got on the status I've posted last night. I can read more, paint more, love more, watch more, drink more, fuck more, smile more, sleep more, and dream more without spending hours on a blue-colored website. Life without Facebook, is always MORE. Even though I'm not a fan of Pepsi, but I'd love to end this post using one of their slogans – it's my life and Yeh Dil Maange More!

Yes Facebook, I've Dumped You!

Yes Facebook. It's over. I've dumped you. No, no please, don't. Just don't try to explain anything. I don't want to see your trembling lips and all those mails saying how much you're going to miss me, and my friends will miss me, and how even God will get angry of me for dumping you.

Don't try to convince me that I will miss you. Yes, that worked last time, but after 3 months, I'm sure I took the right decision and I mean it this time. We're over. And let me tell you something, it's you who made it bitter.

When I first saw you in 2010, you were cool. I liked the way everything happened between us. To put it correctly, you looked good when you were just starting out on campus. God, I can't believe I used to spend so much time with you. You were attractive and spending time with you was fun. But what happened to the Fun?

I don't exactly remember when was the first time I had this doubt about you. This nagging doubt that things were not working well between us. That I'm wasting my time with you. Everyone was talking about you, everyone wanted to be with you. And a campus kid became popular. Let me put it straight, Facebook. I liked your simplicity and I had complete faith in you. I believed that you will respect my privacy.

No! Just shut up and stop this begging and pleading.

And stop mailing me.

You enjoyed being loved by others, you loved being popular. But with every passing second you were slowly becoming boring and nagging. I hate being controlled. I hate and then ignore people who try to control my life. You were changing the whole set-up of my life. I wanted my own time but whenever I was with friends, you would appear. Whenever I was alone, you would come. Whenever I was enjoying my favorite dishes, you asked me to share images with you. I was sick and tired of sharing my life with a retard who has no respect for my privacy.

Was it really important for you to follow me everywhere I go? And then telling my friends what I was doing? You know there's a definition for that in dictionaries? Stalking!

I hated when you went on forcing me to be friends with Nagrajan Muthuswami. We didn't know each other, we shared no hobbies, but Facebook you forced me for days to be friends with that unknown guy. And you continued this thing for years. I didn't know any of these people, they were not my friends, they are yours.

For God's sake, stop sending me those mails!

I don't care how much Sreeparna will miss me. What I really care is Facebook, that you are everywhere. No matter what I buy, where I eat, what I wear, there you are standing right there to attract my attention. Like a stalker.

I don't want to see my friend's cat. I don't want to share my food pictures. Inviting friends for a real-life treat is a much more interesting thing to me. So what if one of my friends is going to watch a new movie? Why do you keep telling me that? I really don't want you to keep reminding me my friends' birthdays. I remember the special ones. And those I don't, I don't because I don't want to wish them. You can keep all my friends, all 167 of them.

But one thing is for sure, we are never, ever, ever, ever getting back together.

To Read or Not to Read!

Why exactly are you here?

I may sound like a spiritual leader, but trust me I have no intention to be one. I just want to know, how you found my blog. How did you even know I exist? I guess Google… that backstabber is still directing people to my blog!

But, how can you do this to me? Yes, you! Do you have any idea how many valuable minutes of your life you are wasting here reading my blog? You know I’m not Shakespeare or any of his descendants. I’m not an established writer either. Then, why the hell on earth you are reading this crap post? Don’t blame me later that it was a complete waste of time. You can still go back to your own blog, or chat on Facebook, or any other place you want. But, once you start reading the next paragraph, there’s no way out! Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.

Good, you are paying more attention to this paragraph. You are curious to know what I’m going to share that will hold you back.

Wait a minute man! So you were reading the first few lines of this post with half attention? Look, you might not like my blog, but don’t disrespect it. I might not be a good writer as you are, perhaps my blog is not as popular as Seth Godin’s, but why will you make fun of it?

Oh ya? Now you will claim you never disliked my blog! Then, there’s a ‘Like’ button on the top right corner of this blog. It’s a list of people who love my blog! Are you in that list? No? Look at you, I’m speechless! You aver that you don’t dislike my blog, but you haven’t 'Liked' it either. Then what does that indicate? You are bullying me. You are swaggering this not-so-established blogger!

What? You are already ‘following’ my blog? You liked it long ago? Goodness!Even after that you were reading this post with half attention? What a cruel world! How could you? I cannot even trust my readers now? Do you know how happy I was when I saw you the first time on this blog? I felt like hugging you! I… I… well if you are a girl then I can even consider a kiss or two. But, look at you! You have crushed my happiness, hope, and graciousness just because my blog does not have a Google page rank!

So, now it’s coming to class division I see. You could have criticized me or post comments stating your dislikes. But first you were not paying enough attention, and then you made it clear that you don’t like my blog, and finally you are irritated because it does not have a Google page rank! What have I done to deserve this? Why did I even write this post?

You still want to know why?

I will tell you, but you have to wait for the next post! If you don’t… hey! Don’t run away! It’s OK… I didn't mean to… hey… come back!

Don't Logout, You Might Die!

One of those sleepless nights, when you cannot sleep and drag your bleary-eyed self over to the computer desk, and turn it on to find out which of your friends are online on Facebook. Somebody has poked you for no good reason, somebody has shared a bad joke on your wall, and somebody else is grumbling over a relationship that did not work. So, within seconds you forget that it's the middle of the night and start typing responses. You could not sleep, your eyes are tired. But, still your fingers can't stop moving over the keyboard. After going through a few more updates, you finally dragged the mouse pointer to the start menu and clicked on the shut down button...

Not until you return to your bed after a few more minutes, you realize you are addicted! You can't resist yourself checking out the notifications on Facebook from your mobile phone. In a contradictory state of mind, you picked up the mobile phone and logged in to Facebook again. Whoa! 4 new notifications already! One of your friends has mentioned you in a comment, one of them has directly posted on your timeline. A whole lot of excitements! Soon, you forget that you were trying to sleep and need to wake up early in the next morning. You forget the wise words your doctor told you about your late night socializing. You forget your real life existence. You forget you are a human being! And, your whole existence was personified as a two inch photo with a banner and a timeline.

About me: Look at me, I'm nude. No privacy!

Employers: Who cares when I can earn enough playing Farmville?

Favorite quote: “You're asking me to believe that the CFO of Facebook doesn't know how to change his relationship status on Facebook?”

Activities: Liking, disliking, poking, and sending random game requests.

Favorite movies: The Social Network

Lives in: Online

Is in a relationship with...

… Wait! If this is what your life is all about, don't logout. You might die tonight. You don't exist in the real world. At least you don't want to. Your world is limited to a social media website with billions of other tiny thumbnail photos and timelines. You cry, smile, hangout, chat, love, stalk, abuse, curse, and have fun on Facebook. You don't exist outside the web. Billions have already started living, and you are a part of the whole family. Don't logout, you might die!