Under The Great Banian Tree

We the men of India, having solemnly resolved to wear banians under our dresses to look SOBER, IN SHAPE, and HUMAN!

Banian, perhaps the most ignored dress with a long history of serving the men of the nation for years. It’s the household dress of the common man, the gym dress of youngsters, work dress of the dudhwalas, and sleeping suit of many in this country.

Given the present condition of our economy, soon petrol and vegetables will be available in jewelry shops with price tags that will keep your eyebrows raised for a decade or so. However, one thing that has remained shamefully inexpensive for years is our very own banian. It is like the sad and all sacrificing Bollywood housewife of 1960s. It satisfies us, provides comfort, and stays with us in our ups and downs. But most men take it for granted. After all, men will be men! Selfish, ignorant, and barbaric. Tell them the truth and you can add one more adjective here… lunatic.

Banians are like bras for men. They hide our protruding nipples and cover our chest hair that resembles the grasslands of Africa. Though some unsung heroes feel leaving two or three of their shirt buttons open as a sign of manliness, but unfortunately Gorillas are soon becoming extinct. Most of the common men find comfort under the great banian tree.

Some wear it being motivated by their fathers. Some wear it because our Sunny paaji, Hrithik bhaiya, Saif and Akshay chachu have successfully convinced them that beautiful women come running to men who wear white banians. And some wise men know that not wearing a banian is the best way to make our washed and ironed shirts get stick on our bare and sweaty bodies. Poor banians! They try hard to make our tummies and male boobies look flat only to find out that there’s no use of it. So they learn from us, the middle class men of this country! They adjust themselves with the system by changing their shapes. If you can’t change the country, change yourself.

In India, it’s always the old ones who suffer the most and our banians are not an exception to this. When they are not longer in a wearing condition, our kaamwali baai soaks them in dirty water and mops the floors of our homes. That’s true value for money. And the banians? They are the dying heroes of our Hindi movies, shot 8 times right on their chests, cover the wound with one hand, breathe heavily with amazing expressions of enduring tremendous pain, yet still manage to deliver the last few heroic lines…

They secretly witness our love making scenes. They hear our pounding hearts when our bosses call us in their rooms. They take those kisses even after knowing none of those lipstick stains are intended for them. So before you wear your banian today, raise it like a proud father, and give it a grateful kiss, bade araam se!

YOU vs. YOU

You’re reading this.

Yes you! I’m talking to you.

Before you go to the next lines, let’s make a deal.

You read it right, a deal.

And that deal is you will read the whole post with a smile on your face.

Be it a fake smile, but do it… NOW!

No no, hold it right there. You cannot go to the next lines without a smile.

No cheating…

Good, there is the smile, not maybe on your lips but in your heart.

Now you know your heart can smile too! How weird is that?

You can smile inside without putting a smile on your lips.

So if you can smile inside, you can see inside, and hear inside…

Remember when you close your eyes and imagine things?

That’s it… that’s the eyes of your heart and they never need glasses.

Don’t tell me you don’t hum a favorite tune in your mind.

Hey, don’t forget the smile… we had a deal.

Good.

So, if your heart can smile, see, and hear… it can speak as well.

Remember how your heart used to tell that you are here to be a great dancer, a chef, a pilot, an astronaut, a designer…? Its fact that you don’t pay much attention to what it says.

But that’s not we’re talking about…

Once again, your heart can smile, hear, see, and speak as well.

Just like you.

So what are all these doctors saying heart is like a machine that can only pump blood… blah blah…

Right, that’s not your heart. All these things happen in your brain. I got it, smartass.

But hey, that means your brain can smile, hear, see…

Isn’t that weird???

You have another person inside your body.

Who reacts differently at times, like a complete different personality.

You stopped smiling long back, did I mention that to you?

Oh common! We had a deal.

So this inside-your-body personality, that nutcase who…

Smile

Hear

See

And…whisper in your ears.

…is maybe your heart, or brain, or soul.

Whatever it is, it’s not you.

Or maybe,

It’s the real you.

Then who’s the one outside?

An imposter? One who loves to see dreams then forget them?

One who can hear the real you speaking but ignore?

Now the imposter wants you to close this blog.

And the real one as well.

But the imposter will try to forget this post.

The real one won’t.

You’re to decide whose smile lasts.

The Last Few Minutes!

Suddenly she was jerked back to consciousness!

It was a small room, the air was damp! She was suffocating.

“How did I come here? Am I still alive? Did someone kidnap me?”

She couldn't remember anything clearly.

A woman was screaming! Someone was torturing her! She could hear male voices!

There was no light in the room. Terrified, she tried to sit.

No use! She couldn't move an inch.

The screaming became louder and louder. She could hear her heart pounding faster.

Just then she discovered a source of light!

- “Perhaps, that's the only way out.” she thought.

Desperately she started crawling but it was a waste of effort.

She didn't remember anything else.

The next time she woke up, she was in a bigger room and lights were on!

A man was carrying her in his arms.

Then she heard a female voice.

- “Congratulations dear! You have become a father!”

Mirror Mirror On The Wall

One day, a good friend of mine asked me, “Why do you blog?”

I shrugged my shoulders and replied “I don’t know about others but I do it to share my thoughts and ideas with the whole planet.”

Crap! He said, “You need someone to reveal your heart. And, that someone cannot be your blog because it cannot respond to what you are saying and hug you back.”

“Why of course it can. The other day a lady from Austria shared a lovely comment on my blog. What do you mean by ‘someone?’ See, I write blogs because I love to write. There's nothing more than that.”

“Oh yeah? What if I say you write blog because you are unhappy and you haven’t found that perfect ‘someone’ to share your feelings?”

Another argument was on its way! I just didn’t feel like answering him anymore. “Can you please change the topic?” I said.

“Ha ha! Why of course. But, you just proved me right you dumb!”

“Listen, let’s make it clear. You are not my psychologist and from no angle you look like Dr. Freud. So, stop acting smart and poking holes in my self esteem bucket. I know where this argument is leading us. So, its better we leave it here, right now.”

“You are worrying about the argument,” he smiled. “But, I have a far more important thing to worry about. He looked straight into my eyes.”

“And, what is that Mr. Freud? I leaned forward.”

He didn’t reply. But, his eyes were fixed on me. As if he can read me inside out. I felt uneasy for the first time.

“Don’t just stare like an idiot. Tell me, why are you worried man?”

There was a long pause and he didn't reply.

How will he?

My life is not a fairytale and the mirror in my bathroom can hardly speak.

NO-cturnal

No – Ma'am, it's a boy!

No – You can't play now, finish your homework.

No – I don't want to see you with those friends again.

No – You are a nice guy, but I have someone else in my life...

No – Sir, I afraid you are not selected.

No – When I was in your age, I married your mom.

No – Dear! It's a boy... you have become a father!

No – Dad, I want to play!

No – I love this girl and I'm going to marry her Dad!

No – Sir, no letter from your son yet.

No – More red meat my friend. Start exercising. It's good for your heart.

No – Ma'am, his condition is not good, don't talk to him.

No – Ma'am, I'm afraid he is not responding...