Under The Great Banian Tree

We the men of India, having solemnly resolved to wear banians under our dresses to look SOBER, IN SHAPE, and HUMAN!

Banian, perhaps the most ignored dress with a long history of serving the men of the nation for years. It’s the household dress of the common man, the gym dress of youngsters, work dress of the dudhwalas, and sleeping suit of many in this country.

Given the present condition of our economy, soon petrol and vegetables will be available in jewelry shops with price tags that will keep your eyebrows raised for a decade or so. However, one thing that has remained shamefully inexpensive for years is our very own banian. It is like the sad and all sacrificing Bollywood housewife of 1960s. It satisfies us, provides comfort, and stays with us in our ups and downs. But most men take it for granted. After all, men will be men! Selfish, ignorant, and barbaric. Tell them the truth and you can add one more adjective here… lunatic.

Banians are like bras for men. They hide our protruding nipples and cover our chest hair that resembles the grasslands of Africa. Though some unsung heroes feel leaving two or three of their shirt buttons open as a sign of manliness, but unfortunately Gorillas are soon becoming extinct. Most of the common men find comfort under the great banian tree.

Some wear it being motivated by their fathers. Some wear it because our Sunny paaji, Hrithik bhaiya, Saif and Akshay chachu have successfully convinced them that beautiful women come running to men who wear white banians. And some wise men know that not wearing a banian is the best way to make our washed and ironed shirts get stick on our bare and sweaty bodies. Poor banians! They try hard to make our tummies and male boobies look flat only to find out that there’s no use of it. So they learn from us, the middle class men of this country! They adjust themselves with the system by changing their shapes. If you can’t change the country, change yourself.

In India, it’s always the old ones who suffer the most and our banians are not an exception to this. When they are not longer in a wearing condition, our kaamwali baai soaks them in dirty water and mops the floors of our homes. That’s true value for money. And the banians? They are the dying heroes of our Hindi movies, shot 8 times right on their chests, cover the wound with one hand, breathe heavily with amazing expressions of enduring tremendous pain, yet still manage to deliver the last few heroic lines…

They secretly witness our love making scenes. They hear our pounding hearts when our bosses call us in their rooms. They take those kisses even after knowing none of those lipstick stains are intended for them. So before you wear your banian today, raise it like a proud father, and give it a grateful kiss, bade araam se!