We
the men of India, having solemnly resolved to wear banians under our
dresses to look SOBER, IN SHAPE, and HUMAN!
Banian,
perhaps the most ignored dress with a long history of serving the men
of the nation for years. It’s the household dress of the common
man, the gym dress of youngsters, work dress of the dudhwalas, and
sleeping suit of many in this country.
Given
the present condition of our economy, soon petrol and vegetables will
be available in jewelry shops with price tags that will keep your
eyebrows raised for a decade or so. However, one thing that has
remained shamefully inexpensive for years is our very own banian. It
is like the sad and all sacrificing Bollywood housewife of 1960s. It
satisfies us, provides comfort, and stays with us in our ups and downs.
But most men take it for granted. After all, men will be men!
Selfish, ignorant, and barbaric. Tell them the truth and you can add
one more adjective here… lunatic.
Banians
are like bras for men. They hide our protruding nipples and cover our
chest hair that resembles the grasslands of Africa. Though some
unsung heroes feel leaving two or three of their shirt buttons open as a sign of manliness, but unfortunately Gorillas are soon becoming
extinct. Most of the common men find comfort under the great banian
tree.
Some
wear it being motivated by their fathers. Some wear it because our
Sunny paaji, Hrithik bhaiya, Saif and Akshay chachu have successfully
convinced them that beautiful women come running to men who wear
white banians. And some wise men know that not wearing a banian is
the best way to make our washed and ironed shirts get stick on our
bare and sweaty bodies. Poor banians! They try hard to make our
tummies and male boobies look flat only to find out that there’s no
use of it. So they learn from us, the middle class men of this
country! They adjust themselves with the system by changing their
shapes. If you can’t change the country, change yourself.
In
India, it’s always the old ones who suffer the most and our banians
are not an exception to this. When they are not longer in a wearing
condition, our kaamwali baai soaks them in dirty water and mops the
floors of our homes. That’s true value for money. And the banians?
They are the dying heroes of our Hindi movies, shot 8 times right on
their chests, cover the wound with one hand, breathe heavily with
amazing expressions of enduring tremendous pain, yet still manage to
deliver the last few heroic lines…
They
secretly witness our love making scenes. They hear our pounding hearts when our bosses call us in their rooms. They take those kisses even after
knowing none of those lipstick stains are intended for them. So
before you wear your banian today, raise it like a proud father, and
give it a grateful kiss, bade araam se!
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