27 September, Friday 2013

Dear diary, today I'll be knocking on heaven’s door right after I hear the first thunder. I wonder whether someone will open it and let me in. I’ve a firefly to deliver. But I can’t find one of my shoelaces so I think I will have to go barefoot. It’s good in a way; I don’t want the grasshoppers to know where I’m going. For they might want to come with me too. I could fit only 2 chairs on my hot air balloon. One for me, one for the firefly. You know Broom is peeping over my left shoulder to see what I’m writing. I’m pretty sure he will accompany me to the front porch and stand there till he sees my balloon becoming a tiny dot in the northern horizon and vanishing behind that white cloud which looks like a momma ship.

I’m going to leave you here, diary. On this planet. On this table, in front of this window so that you can invite the sunlight when he passes through this window for a nice and warm cup of tea. Actually it’s ok if you would like to invite the breeze also. But I don’t think that’s a good idea because those chocolate wrappers and old leaves follow breeze wherever he goes. Broom doesn’t like to work when I’m not here.

I may not come back, diary. I’m stacking the blankets here. The red one’s for you, the blue is for Broom, the green is for the grasshoppers, yellow is for the chickens, and I’m taking the black one with me on the balloon. The poor firefly gets scared when the thunder strikes. I will hide him under the blanket. Maybe someday, someone from Earth will land on this comet and find you. Tell him not to step on the grasshoppers and leave broom alone. He can eat the cookies in the jar at the kitchen but the bread crumbs are for the chickens.

Wait! Mom’s calling me. I think it’s the doctor again. He thinks I hallucinate and make up weird stories…

I will come back before the first thunder strikes.

Monday Morning Hues

I love the second half of the year much more than the first six months. I can hear the footsteps of the winter, the sky is cobalt blue with clouds like white ships without any hurry, the golden sunlight on the old wall of my veranda silently wishes me a good morning everyday, the coolness in the air, the love around me... it’s time to shake the sand out of my shoes and get back into the swing of things… joys of life. Oh I completely lose my mind at this time of the year.

Going to work on Monday mornings is not the same any more. I wake up early, realize that I'm still alive and greet the day with a smile. Then brush my teeth staring up at the clear sky with the eyes of a connoisseur (we have a beautiful open veranda in home). There was a time when this same guy was all grumpy, agitated and frustrated on Monday mornings. I cursed my luck, complained on Facebook, screamed abusive words, and did every other things I know to make others feel how bad I feel on Mondays. Most of them agreed, some didn't.

I realized this cannot continue for long. Am I going to waste every single Monday of my life? This cannot go on unless I can be the president of my country and ban Mondays forever. But then Tuesdays will become Mondays.

Or, I can listen to what Mondays try to tell me.

So I sat there calmly in my room on a lovely afternoon right after I had my lunch.
“Ajesh calling Monday, Ajesh calling Monday, can you hear me Monday? Over.”
Nothing worked. No one replied. I continued...
“Can you hear me Monday? Answer me, over.”

Then I heard a faint voice, like that of a baby ship suffering from cold.
“Yes Ajesh, I can hear you. Over.”

I realized I'm feeling a little uneasy suddenly.
“How would I know you are Monday? But not Tuesday, Wednesday or Friday?”

I swear I heard a smile, “did you realize you're feeling uneasy with me around? That's how you feel on Mondays. But I'm in a little hurry and you have something to ask, come to the point.”

I was convinced. “A lot of people, even me... hate you. But I don't want to hate you, I mean I do hate you but I realized I should not hate you. Make me understand why I shouldn't hate you.”

“You have a pen and a notepad ready? I'm telling you 5 points which can change how you feel about me.”

I quickly opened a new Office Word document and nodded, “yes, I'm ready... please proceed.”
Did I just hear a chuckle? Not sure, the baby-ship-suffering-from-cold began...

Point 1: Without me, you will never see a Friday. Just like the color black is essential to validate the existence of white, Fridays exist just because there are Mondays.

Point 2: There will be approximately thousands of Mondays in your life till you retire from work. You mean to say that you'll stay grumpy, agitated, and curse your life on all these days? Tsk tsk tsk! What a waste!

Point 3: I give you a new opportunity every week. But who needs an opportunity when you can update your Facebook status saying how bad you feel about me? This continues. Every week. Every month. Every year. Now count the number of opportunities you have missed already.

Point 4: You complain that “life sucks” but life's a very good friend of mine and he says that it is you who suck! You have a faint-heart, that's your problem. Both of us agreed, you suck!

Point 5: Watching you cursing Mondays and Life is so freaking entertaining. It's like watching a comedy show on TV with enough supply of cheese popcorns.

Before I could say anything to Monday, he was gone! I had this conversation with Monday a year back. Here I am on another Monday, sharing the secrets with my fellow faint-hearts.

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Now that's a title!

I thought about this title last weekend when I was drunk.

And I kissed a girl.

Well I thought it was a girl until the next morning one of my friends told me that it was strange of me to kiss him last night.

I told you I was drunk and the music was quite loud.

In the morning I realized it was no music but the ringtone of my mobile.

Every time my girlfriend called me, I danced with the beats!

My mobile showed 17 missed calls in total.

But I was right about the lizard on the ceiling. It looked like a dragon but was actually a firefly.

I was really drunk and missed my girlfriend. So I sent her a text:

“I'm drunk! Come here baby... miss you.”

I had a reply from her, she was really pissed off.

The next morning I checked my inbox and saw a text from my boss.

“Retard! Double-check before sending me these creepy texts.”

And I thought it was my girlfriend!

Then one of my friends wanted to go home. I wanted to drop him.

From the 6th floor... but I don't remember anything like that.

The next day, they told me I wanted to drop him just because he wanted to pee.

I was so drunk last weekend!

Then I had 8 more pegs of whiskey and suddenly remembered that I had to call my mother.

She acted strangely on the phone. She went on telling me I was not her son!

I was so shocked and sad. Someone took the mobile from my hand and replied her something which I don't remember at all.

The next day they told me it was not my mobile at all. And that was not my mother either. She was a girlfriend of one of my friends.

Then there was this strong blow on my head. Everything became dark. How could my friends hit me just because I was drunk?!! I don't remember anything else!

Later, the next morning they told me we were having a bullfight last night. I was the bull.

And I ran towards a poster of John Lennon on the wall screaming “this is Spartaaaaa!”

I really don't remember anything.