Death! That’s what you can think about. You dumbass! You suicidal freak!
She didn't let me finish yet again.
“What? Your life is full of pain? You had enough and don’t want to live any longer? You want to die because you did not get the things you have always expected? You are not a painter, you are a sadist!
I had to interfere this time. She was going too far.
“Listen Sam, it’s my life.”
Yes! It’s your life. That’s why you have the right to erase yourself without even thinking about the people who care for you, right? Fuck! You and your complications.
I knew this conversation was not going anywhere. It was high time to draw an end to this. It’s time to reveal my feelings otherwise it might be too late.
“Ok Sam, I’m not going to die will you please stop cursing me?” I sat beside her. I could smell her perfume now. It was slowly going through my veins making me dizzy and addicted. But, this was not a time for romance. I need her. Not as a friend anymore. Damn! People who propose to others should get bravery awards.
She didn’t even notice how close I was. Probably because she was completely pissed off with me or perhaps with my suicidal thoughts! She is the only one who has always stopped me from taking the wrong road. I was merely a child when I lost my parents; she is the one who was with me all these years. She is much more than a good friend. And today I need to tell her! I wonder how she is going to react. Oh God!
Suddenly she snapped back to the reality and turned to me. Her eyes were filled with tears. Damn! The last thing I wanted to see is her tears.
She looked directly at my eyes. “What do you want? I cannot bear this fear of losing you. Trust me I cannot!”
I knew this was the time. Nothing could have been better than this!
“Sam…” I took her hands in mine. “You don’t want to lose me ever, no? Trust me even I want the same.” Her eyes looked baffled, completely unaware of what I’m going to say.
“You have always been there for me, I don’t have anyone else in my life, no one understands me, no one loves my paintings like you do. I want you to be with me (paused for a few seconds) I want you to be with me but not as a friend, as my love!”
She was shocked… but I could read her eyes… like I always do… they were filled with happiness! Her tears were no longer carrying her sadness. As if she wanted to listen to this for a long time. Oh how stupid I was…
And within few seconds the place, which seemed so deserted was filled with co-actors, light men, camera men, and other crew members…
I looked at Rupsha, she was busy wiping off the glycerin from her eyes.
I felt a pat on my back. I turned; it was my director, complimenting me for emoting my pains so expressively. I turned to Rupsha again! She was busy talking to her makeup man. Suddenly everything went blank. I could no longer hear the humming noise of the busy studio. It was me and Rupsha once again. I murmured “What’s your answer Sam? You didn’t reply…”